OSCAR PISTORIUS, REEVA STEENSKAMP AND THE LESSONS FOR EVERY WOMAN

While up this night to keep my computer files in order, I heard my new neighbour return into their flat around past twelve in the night (he went out alone). Some murmuring took place between him and the wife before his typical loudness took over. He and the wife conversed at the top of their voices even though it was almost 1oclock in the morning like a jolly couple until he answered a phone call. The guy was so loud over the phone; I was irritated in my own apartment for such lack of respect for others. He always did that.

Apparently, the call was about a key to a friend’s house, which he was holding onto or so I heard. His wife did not like the idea that they argued so much until a fight ensued.

They screamed over one another as they fought until their five year old son was woken up to join the madness. He must have been used to the drama, because I heard him telling them “see you people?”  I grieve for the kid.

For almost the remaining part of the night, the wife was telling the husband some bitter things and he promised to kill her when her threats become real.

It was my first time to experience them fight so openly, but I have been suspecting their relationship, since the woman disappeared for three weeks and the husband claimed that she travelled home, and then at some point he mentioned another place. Yes, I have a thing on finding out something about people without talking to anyone, and when that feeling sets, it has been proven on many accounts, that it is only right.

Then same night, I remember the conversation I and my Banker had a few days ago as we watch on CNN, Oscar Pistorius’ concluding court proceedings.

My Banker had kept saying, “Oscar must have acted out of anger. I can tell you, many who have not tasted the acid on the tongue of a woman will never understand. A woman can make a man go mad”

I agreed with him thoughtfully, because deep down, after picking from the court proceedings that the duo were previously having trouble in their relationship, I have been saying that I smell a rat about Oscar as a person. I had learnt about their fights during the court proceedings, when Reeva’s elder sister expressed in an interview to the press, her anger over her younger sister’s fixation with Oscar despite their bitter fights and the family’s advice for her to quit the insane relationship.

My dilemma, however with Reeva, is why she would go on a relationship with weird Oscar Pistorius.

Don’t get me wrong. I was one of the people who looked up to Oscar before shooting into fame, as a hero. I had watched before the games, CNN’s reports on this awing sports’ personality and was already a fan before he competed at the 2012 Summer Paralympics Games where he stunned the world? But as a woman I would be very scared to go out on a date with such a man. He was just someone I could pay money to watch in a show glass. Although they are many men I will be scared to death being locked up in a house with. Then again, that is just me.

This night brought all that back and I decided to write this down for women out there. Naturally, I am the kind who doesn’t fight fair, so I never begin any trouble. I can never stand being beaten by a man I am in a relationship with, or something will go very wrong.

I believe in women’s right, but that was after I took out time to understand the rights of men, first, and all other human rights.

With the little I have lived, I will like to advice every woman in the following stanzas. And these are my candid opinions.

Ø     Never marry or go out with a man you cannot fully love and honour, since, no matter how much you shy away from it, your husband is supposed to be better than you.

Ø     Learn to tame your tongue. You won’t like this, yet a man possesses strength to overpower a woman, while the woman has a tongue that lashes out without mercy; it shouldn’t be unexpected, if a man without self restrain lashes out the hand, where his tongue cannot reach. A woman has to understand that because a man has no right to lash out the hand, she too has no right to lash out her tongue. There must be mutual respect and empathy form both parties. Fighting should never be an option in any man-woman relationships.

Ø     Never say to a man things that he will never want to forgive. It is one thing to be a ranting woman and worse to abuse a man with something he can’t help himself from. For instance, never tell a man that, he is not man enough because he will find ways to prove to you that he is. And don’t ever dare your man or compare him with other men. Men do not also forgive a woman who does not respect their family. That is because a man never leaves his roots; a woman could, but men are designed to stay there. Get this right, woman.

Ø     There’ nothing to fight over. Marriage is partnership, friendship and loyalty in equality. None should consider themselves superior because this is where the problem starts. The roles are clearly defined by nature so much that even if you do not conform to any religious regulation, you would know where to cut slacks.

Ø     Avoid heated arguments. Couples are not in any form of competition. And it does not matter who is right because you are one. One head and body. Arguments that threaten to bring out the worst in both of you should be discarded as soon as possible. It is best in the place of a woman to understand this, that no matter how intelligent she is, she is under the man. Period! If you want to become the head, you are only misplacing priorities and the consequences shall fall upon your head.

Ø     A real woman should know that most men are like babes. Find out where he’s strengths and weaknesses are, but NEVER try to use them against him. Men are better reciprocators than women by far. And if a man knows that you bring out the best in him, he will be eating out of your palm.

Ø     Apologise and mean it, when you are wrong. If you don’t, the man will pretend that he is over it, but will never forget.

Ø     Your relationship depends on you as a woman. If you are so unlucky to have the kind of man who will hit you even after trying out ways to keep the relationship successful, please run for your dear life. Life has no duplicate.